It’s 9Am and I have been falling asleep since the moment I got to work. I am not talking about being tired. I am talking about pinching your inner thighs, putting toothpicks in your eyelids as stint, scouring the office for energy pills and frequent trips to the bathroom just trying to stay awake here. I’M DESPERATE and STRUGGLING. It feels like all I can do to just stay awake and not get caught falling asleep.
I send Jessica a text. “Dude! I am literally falling asleep at my desk – sooooo not good. AND I even got sufficient sleep last night.” Expecting words of encouragement and comfort I stare at my phone. The magical iPhone ellipsis appears. I wait.
“What are you resisting?”
What the heck? That is not the encouragement or tip that I needed. I think ‘What kind of friend is she? Really, Who says that?’ as I lock my phone in my desk drawer. I will show her!
But the ‘What are you resisting?’ cannot be undone. The words echo as they bounce around in my mind. What am I resisting? Clearly it has a direct correlation to this thing called my day job, because I was feeling fine before I arrived at my desk and in my seat in front of these meeting minutes, but I don’t feel like I am resisting. It isn’t a conscious choice I made. I mean I would never CHOOSE to spend the whole day angry at work, counting the moments until freedom and struggling to stay awake, but what if I did make that choice? What if I do choose suffering over just getting it done? Hmmmm… I don’t like this line of self-inquiry.
I would like to say that at that moment I stopped resisting my daily tasking. Stopped telling myself how pointless it was and how much it didn’t matter to anyone, but that would be a lie :). I spent all day suffering and being angry about my resistance, but when I got home that night I allowed myself to be impacted by that resistance and the toll that it takes on my productivity, experience of work and my life (because as you may have guessed, it doesn’t just show up at work). After marinading on it for a little I am choosing to give my resistance up. I am a powerhouse and I power through thing! How do you like me now Jess? 😉
Time to fess up folks: WHAT ARE YOU RESISTING? Let us know in the comments below.